Extremist group prepares for the end of broomball

January 17, 2013 | 11 a.m.

Clarionion | Collin D'Kopps

Extremist group prepares for the end of broomball

Members of this group have opted to camp next to the rinks in order to devote their full time and energy to the game.

J-Term is actually a cover up for what is commonly referred to as “Play-as-much-broomball-as-possible Month.” Bethel students embrace this month wholeheartedly, but aside from the average avid broomball players, one particular group has taken the sport to a whole new level.

They call themselves the Broomsday Clan. The clan consists of 12 members who try their hardest to play broomball whenever humanly possible.

Senior Jeremy Drake, clan leader, explained, “In the same way that some people prepare for Doomsday, we are preparing ourselves for Broomsday.”

This extremist group of broomballers predicts that Broomsday will occur on Feb. 18, 2013. On that day, all of the rinks in Arden Hills and Shoreview will close until next winter. “Until that fateful day, we will play broomball with all of our might!” Drake exclaimed.

Where are they getting their predictions, you might ask?
“The Mayan calendar may have failed us, but no one can argue with the Arden Hills website,” Drake stated.

In an attempt to be on the ice almost 24/7, the Broomsday clan believes it is to their benefit to sleep and eat at the rinks. The clan travels from rink to rink in nomadic fashion, playing broomball, building campfires and pitching tents.

Sophomore clan member Jessica Wolfe commented that this approach to broomball produces an incredible community.

“Sure it’s annoying to search for port-a-potties in the middle of the night, eat only frozen granola bars, and try to sleep in sub-zero temperatures,” Wolfe said. “But when you’re with other people who share your values, those other things just don’t really matter.”

Drake added that he’s encouraged by the clan’s bond. “When one member laughs, we all laugh,” he said. “When one member falls on the ice and cries, we all cry as we run past them and score a goal. It’s beautiful, really.”

This raises another important component of the Broomsday Clan: injuries.

“It’s a positive correlation,” Drake said. “The longer you play broomball, the greater the chance for bigger and better injuries.”

The clan won’t allow anyone into the group unless they have a minimum of three bruises. However, stitches of any kind trump bruises, and losing one or more teeth trumps all.

With their sense of community as high as a high-sticking infraction and their knees the color of royalty, the Broomsday Clan’s main challenge seems to be food. While some clan members, like Wolfe, resort to a steady diet of granola bars, others hunt for the occasional squirrel.

“They’re really hard to catch,” freshman clan member Matt Norrel stated. “But when you do, it’s so worth it.”

The Broomsday Clan starts and ends each day playing the game that they love. Some may call them crazy, but they don’t seem to mind. (Or maybe they haven’t heard yet because they’re too busy playing broomball.)

“Broomball is definitely worth it,” Drake said. “When I play broomball, I feel God’s glory.”

If you’d like to compare bruises, munch squirrel drumsticks and prepare for Broomsday with the clan, contact Jeremy Drake at one of the various rinks surrounding Bethel’s campus.

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