I walked apprehensively into the newborn nursery at United Hospital in St. Paul, not sure what to expect. My daughter Nina, born the day before, had just been diagnosed with a heart murmur, and the pediatric cardiologist had been called in to examine her. There she was, lying on a small examination table over in the corner. The doctor had placed her under a heat lamp to keep her warm. I stood beside him and watched as he gently probed her tiny frame. Using only his stethoscope and his kind, skilled hands, he discerned much about her condition.

Little Nina was to begin a journey that would eventually lead to her health, but she would first have to endure many trials, including two open-heart surgeries. Now she is a vibrant, gorgeous little girl bearing a mark that runs from her collarbone down to her sternum. A precious wound—a beautiful scar.

“Just as Nina was placed under a heat lamp on the doctor’s examination table, so I was placed under the warm light of the Gentle Healer’s gaze”

When Nina was just five days old, I walked into Bethel Seminary to begin a journey of my own. I had signed up for Bethel’s SemPM program, and little did I know that my journey would so closely parallel that of my daughter. Just as Nina was placed under a heat lamp on the doctor’s examination table, so I was placed under the warm light of the Gentle Healer’s gaze, and as He began to probe, I embarked on a journey that would lead me through many heart surgeries of my own.

My years at Bethel taught me how little I really knew, and harder still, how little I would ever know. Frustrated with never quite being able to understand God, I discovered that there will always be more to learn about Him. Indeed, many of my efforts to comprehend Him had really just been attempts to control Him. So I let the Gentle Healer do His surgery. A precious wound—a beautiful scar.

I also learned of my own weaknesses while in seminary. Family stresses brought on by working too much, studying too much, and doing ministry too much showed me that I was trying to do God’s work for Him, and I found that I was not strong enough. Even harder, I found that the reason I was trying to do God’s work for Him was because, in some way, I was pursuing my own glory more than His. So I let the Gentle Healer do His surgery. A precious wound—a beautiful scar.

Through my seminary experience, I came face to face with my own pride. But God didn’t show it to me by holding up a mirror. Instead, He brought godly men and women into my life in the form of my seminary professors. I was rubbing shoulders with people who knew much more than me, and who would always know more than I would. But these co-workers in Christ served with such a spirit of humility and a desire to build up others that I began to see myself in stark contrast. So I let the Gentle Healer do His surgery. A precious wound—a beautiful scar.

But the most important lesson I learned at Bethel was not about myself at all; it was about God. When I entered seminary I was somewhat fearful that my faith would be shaken—that I would be exposed to ideas that would undermine my faith, or that I might even just get bored with God. I praise Him, however, that through all the surgeries He performed on my heart, He brought me closer to Himself. I believe that I came to Bethel Seminary with a largely intellectual faith. But through hardship, suffering, and many lessons in humility, Jesus has taken me by the hand at Bethel. He has shown me His own hands, His feet, and His side. Precious wounds—beautiful scars.

Pat Kahnke completed his M.Div. at Bethel Seminary in May 2001, and now pastors St. Paul Fellowship, a new church plant serving the Frogtown and Midway neighborhoods of St. Paul, Minnesota. He and his wife Jane are the parents of Samuel, Nina, and Naomi.